What are you doing to prepare for marriage?
My future marriage and family have been weighing on my mind since I was twelve years old. As I have heard and overheard the hopes that the women of our Church would want in a future spouse, I believe I have made an earnest effort to cultivate those attributes. I will admit that I found some of the desired attributes rather shallow. Nevertheless, I figured it wouldn't kill me to even be as close to perfection as possible in the shallow aspects in addition to the eternally desirable characteristics of an ideal LDS husband. I have cultivated the following attributes, starting with the least important, in order to be the perfect man.
Physical – I am one of the few guys I know who use face wash. I don't do it out of a desire to have a clean face. I just figured my wife would want a man with clear skin. I played every sport I could get into just so I would be able to impress my wife no matter what sport she wanted to play, I also thought playing sports would come in handy if my children ever needed a coach or just someone to play catch with. I am proud to report that I have played on organized teams in football, baseball, cross country, basketball, track and field, swimming, and golf. I feel that I have put in sufficient time and effort to satisfy the requirements of being a physically suitable mate to even a semi- to very shallow girl. I have speed, stamina, strength, and a clean face.
Finances and Work Ethic – I know that it is a terrible idea to marry anybody for money. But I do not want finances to be a problem in our marriage, but if they must be a problem at all, I don't want it to be because I didn't work hard or I didn't learn how to manage money. I have made a habit of working hard, paying an honest tithing always, paying a generous fast offering, minimizing other expenses, and saving the rest. I have been saving money with the hope that I can allow my wife to live comfortably, my children will be able to serve missions and go to college if they so choose, and I can retire by the age of 48 so my wife and I can travel around to visit our grandchildren and serve several missions. I know that takes money, so I have learned to save money now so I can spend it later. I stay away from credit card debt, but still make monthly purchases on my credit card to establish good credit in the future.
Arts – I knew that my future mate would want a talented husband, a man who was in touch with the arts. I have heard girls complain about men who are "tone deaf." I also hear girls complain about how no men share their interests. I cultivated singing prowess by doing choir and learning how to sight-read music. I don't mean to boast, but I have perfect pitch. I can at least play one Jon Schmidt song from beginning to end and I can fake several others. I can sight read most of the hymns. I learned to dance sufficient to impress a girl in the event we had to go to a swing dance, foxtrot, salsa or even a hip-hop dance. I participated in several plays, tragic, comic, and musical. I learned to appreciate Broadway musicals so my love and I could go see the opera, watch Phantom of the Opera, Wicked, and Les Miserables. I taught myself to enjoy the ballet, listening to the symphony, and watching movies like You've Got Mail and The Notebook.
Sense of Humor – Ever since I saw Legacy while a young boy, I have always loved the line that David says to Eliza when he asks her to marry him. He tells her, "I promise to make you laugh." And she thinks about it as she weighs her options of marrying David and her other suitor, Jacob. In one touching scene she looks at David and says, "Promise to make me laugh?" And he responds, "Every day." I have found that having a sense of humor is one of the best ways to help quell any argument between anyone. I use jokes in order to fulfill the glorious scripture, "blessed are the peacemakers." I have taken this joke so far as to become the Class Clown in my high school. Like David from Legacy, I promise to make my wife and kids laugh… every day.
Brains – I always figured that my wife would want to have some creative outlets, she may be into painting, photography, gardening, film, literature, poetry, I don't know. But whatever it is, I don't want her to feel like I don't encourage her in pursuing her wholesome talents and interests. So in addition to working hard in school to be a successful businessman, I hope to be able to maintain an intelligent conversation with her about the books she is reading, the movies she is watching, the talents she may be cultivating. I don't slack off in my schoolwork because I want my kids to have a good example of hard work in the family. I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I am doing my best with what I have. I hope that's enough.
Spirituality – More important than anything, my family is going to be eternal. Anything the Lord asks, I intend to do. My wife and kids will never have to question their father's attitude towards the Church. I can count all the days of early morning seminary that I missed on a single hand. I don't turn down callings. I keep the covenants I made in the temple. I follow through with my Church assignments. I have been amassing a library of the words of our modern prophets. In addition to the other wholesome literature I am compiling. My children will have access to the words of Latter-day prophets. Our family will be strengthened if there is a worthy Priesthood holder in the house. It is humbling for me to know that I will have to fill that role. So I do my best to read my scriptures daily, say my prayers, keep the commandments, and to do as the Lord commands me, always.
Love,
Josh
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